Romans 13:8-10

 Last Sunday, we started a three week theme of Stumbling Into Happiness. We are using the book idea of Daniel Gilbert who says that people don’t really know what will make them happy. So we spend much of our lives going to clubs that don’t produce friendships, saving for iphones that don’t bring pleasure, and putting money into banks for rainy days that will never come. Life for many people is a routine of work and chores with less and less expectation of happiness.

 Last week, we looked at the first of three Biblical ways that you can guarantee more happiness. It was diet and exercise. The book of Leviticus is full of God’s concern that we keep our bodies healthy. America has fallen to 37^th in the world in health care with our broken system, but you can vastly improve that for yourself by becoming your own doctor. And the Bible devotes a lot of ink to encourage us to protect our bodies as temples of the living God.

 I will say that I got to the gym twice this week. Its not any kind of record, but the worship last week gave me new energy to take my health into my own hands. And while you should always consult a doctor, there is no age where better exercise and nutrition will not help you feel happier after a month. This is guaranteed happiness, recommended by the Bible.

 Today, we’re going to look at a second way to achieve happiness. Daniel Gilbert does mention in his book that research shows two guaranteed ways to find happiness. One of those is religion which we are putting into action today.

 So if you look at your life and see the need for more happiness, perhaps God has set this hour aside to meet you and get your feet on a different path that will bring the fullness of living that is our birthright.

 The second guaranteed way to find happiness is through a relationship. People who have friends or who are married tend to be happier. One of the key problems of our congregation is that we don’t build enough friendships. There are visitors coming in our door every week and most people who come are looking for a touch from God and the hope of a friend. If you have ever gone church shopping, it’s a miserable experience. Sometimes the service itself doesn’t really speak to your heart. And then going to coffee hour afterwards – I used to go to my inlaws Methodist Church about twice a year. People come over to say hello at coffee hour and immediately turn and talk to their friends. In a 10 minute experience, the friendship is over in 30 seconds and you have to spend the next 9.5 minutes pretending to eat more cookies and have a fourth cup of cheap coffee. 

 I’ve had a chance to see Dorothy and Rev. Cotto together many times in the last 12 years. I’ve been to their home and he and I went into her room at the hospital together last week. She could not speak, but he smoothed her hair and I suddenly realized that this was one of those magical moments in life where I saw two people who had brought each other great happiness. Dorothy was a nurse with Latin America Mission and they met in Costa Rica. They married against the rules and Dorothy was fired. So they had a Central American tour for their honeymoon and came back to find a life in New York. Tomorrow is their 60^th wedding anniversary.

 Now, lets assume for no good reason that you haven’t found this kind of happiness. Some of you haven’t found a friend or partner and others of you have someone that you would like to throw back in the ocean. Let’s be honest. A lot of my friends from high school and college got married. They were wonderful people and they got divorced or are just deeply unhappy with the way life turned out.

 So I want to offer some thoughts that will bring happiness out of marriage and friendships.

 The first has to do with your life partner, but applies to all friendships. Have at least three things in common. Most of us meet a mate in a particular life circumstance. Perhaps you go to college together. Perhaps you are both working in the same hospital. You have a common interest. Love and happiness seem to flow. Friends of mine were rather counter cultural and met in college. They enjoyed hiking together. After graduation and marriage, his job was much different from hers and he put on weight. Children followed and the hiking ended. Suddenly they had no connection through a profession and no connection through hiking. You wake up one morning and the happiness has gone. You are sleeping next to a stranger who has a completely different life.

 You have to keep developing common interests. And you have to keep a common spiritual interest. Some people pray together. Some people talk with each other once a week about their spiritual life. Its intentional. One thing that I can guarantee is that a relationship that is not thought about and built will eventually have no happiness.

 The second thought is still directed at marriage. Don’t neglect the gifts of sexuality. Consummation of a relationship is a picture or metaphor of God’s love for us, according to the Scriptures. It is a sacred moment in a marriage and makes us more aware of the intensity of God’s love as well your partner.

 Let’s face it. Relationships are built between imperfect people. Whether in the church or the home, there are moments when you hurt another person, either consciously or unconsciously. What keeps happiness flowing? Being big enough to apologize.

 Aaron Lazare, MD, a psychiatrist and dean of the University of Massachusetts Medical School, has spent years studying acts of contrition in every context, from interpersonal to international. He has found that, to be effective, most apologies need to contain the following elements: 1. Full acknowledgment of the offense - Accept responsibility. 2. An explanation – Not excuses 3. Genuine expression of remorse – Not "I'm sorry you feel that way" 4. Reparations for damage - "What else do you want me to do?"

And his greatest sentence -- The knowledge that one is heard and valued has incredible healing power; it can mend even seemingly irreparable wounds.

 And the partner of apology is forgiveness. There is one thing that I yearn for with everyone who comes to a service here. I wish you would leave feeling forgiven so that you can forgive others. Jesus is especially critical of the man in Matthew 18 who is forgiven much and does not extend that forgiveness. I’m not talking about this congregation but I think you see this on TV and in life – a lot of church people are mad. They don’t have a lot of forgiveness in them. The evangelicals were George Bush’s best support for the war until recently. Somehow a lot of churches have services where people don’t leave feeling that God has forgiven them. They feel exploited a lot. And certainly in no condition to forgive a mate or friend.

 I was watching some video clips this week of President Clinton as the impeachment of George Bush keeps gathering strength. And I felt a lot of pain as I watched his comments and finally his statement of acknowledgment. And somehow that family has stayed together. We only see the outside of their relationships of course. But I respect that they were able to find something worth keeping together, and I pray that in the apology and forgiveness, they have both stumbled into some happiness.

 You were created by God to experience a lot of joy and happiness in life. Most people don’t discover it. Finally, they give up trying. Its not easy to get, but its your birthright, especially if you have invited Christ into your life with forgiveness and love to be shared. So keep fighting for it, and with relationships and care of your body and soul, you have the power to increase the happiness in life. God bless you richly.